Happy 9th Anniversary

Years spent with you was a blessing, in good or bad time.
Pray for more years ahead. May God lead our way.
Love you, xoxo.

To my Dear love - a reflection on new year eve

28Dec I get ill again. What worst was I have planned to climb mountain early january. The weather will be harsh also, need a very fit stamina.
Started with vomit till diarrea, all body hurt, can't sleep well. Hmm gastric problem start now.

On 29Dec, I think to get hospitalized. But then I felt so weak, cold, dizzy, stomach cramp, and all.. I tried to sleep and I didn't know after a few hours later with hand warmer on my stomach, suddenly I get better. Better means I can only eat. But still can't walk far, feel nouseous even to my phone.

During this hard time, he keep encourage me and accompany me.
Even sometime I'm upset, he try to console me and make me laugh in my hardest time.

Some people may say how come the gastric problem so worse on you.
But Calvin knew me very well. I always be a full spirited person but there will be a day when I fall sick, I can only stay on my bed.

Till now I didn't know whether I can Join the team or not.
But Calvin never say to quit. He keep prepare everything for me. Help me to get better till the very last.

It's truly my mistake when I got ill. But he just never blame me or angry with me.

I felt his love,caring,patient towards me during this end of year in my weakness. What could I asked more.
I felt embarrass to my self. I started to think whether I can do the same, will I not complain if it him in my situation.
To close the 2017 and open the 2018 I just pray may God give me more time to live with him in a family of Christ.
I want to love you more Calvin and be a good wife and mother to our son.

P.S. Yes you can used ur coupon next year!

Belajar Berempati - Josh 7.5thn

Mungkin Josh tidak paham apa kata berempati.

Ketika hari ini Josh pulang dari sekolah, Mama menanyakan apakah temannya bernama "M"hari ini masuk sekolah?

Josh bilang tidak, karena kata guru, papa nya sakit jantung.

Mamapun mengabari Josh bahwa Papa dari temannya M sudah meninggal.

Josh terdiam.

Sewaktu akan tidur siang, Mama ajak Josh berdoa untuk temannya.

Josh pun terisak mendoakan temannya. Josh terpikir bagaimana perasaan berpisah selamanya dengan papa. Tentu Mama berulang cerita bahwa ketika waktu nya tiba Tuhan panggil, semua akan kembali. Kita hanya tinggal sementara didunia ini, dan sementara didunia ini, Tuhan punya tugas untuk masing masing kita kerjakan.

Josh pun mengiyakan dan tertidur

Waktu malam, mama belum selesai mengerjakan evaluasi, Josh meminta mama menemani dia tidur karena dia kesepian, sendiri.

Mama jelaskan bahwa masih ada beberapa yang harus mama selesaikan. Tapi karena tidak tega, mama temani dia tidur sambil ingatkan bahwa Tuhan menjaga dia

Alih-alih tidur, Josh malah bilang, mama jangan tidur, "mama pergi kerjakan biar selesai ma".

Padahal sebelumnya dia terisak sendirian di kamar. tetapi dia mulai mempertimbangkan pekerjaan mama juga karena sebelumnya mama juga mendorong dia mengerjakan pekerjaan tulis menulisnya untuk selesai.

Terima kasih yah sayang atas empati mu.

Love you Josh.

Keterpisahan Mama dan Aku

Ma, tolong bantuin jaga Josh seminggu ini yah. Mama bisa kan?

Teman mama itu ternyata 7tahun lalu pernah kena kanker pankreas dan kemarin itu kambuh kembali, dan sakitnya sudah ke tulang.

Kamu tuh kapan bisa berenang?
Oo aku belajar Ma pas dulu smp pulang ke siantar
Hmmm pantas, Mama rasanya jarang  bawa kalian berenang di jakarta.
Wah wah, ada juga ternyata hal yang mama tidak tahu yah.

Kira kira begitulah percakapan aku dengan mama.

Hari ini aku bawa mama lagi ke spring club. Mama ternyata hebat main bulutangkisnya. Aku bilang ke mama, andai dulu mama jadi atlet, mungkin juga bisa jadi susi susanti hehehe. Pukulan mama tuh kuat, sayang saja kakinya tak bisa bergerak bebas. Bahkan banyak kali juga aku tak bisa kembalikan bola mama.
Ngk percaya kan? Nah mari main.
Josh juga sempat main sama pho2nya.

Sesudah 30menit, mama lanjut berenang, berendam air panas , dan sauna juga berendam air dingin.
Bisa dibilang mama termasuk kuat. Hanya saja efek kemo yang menguras wajah mama menjadi menua, dan saraf tangan dan kaki yg rusak.

Saat mama cerita tentang temannya. Aku jadi merasa sedih. Suatu hari nanti aku pasti berpisah dengan mama.
Mama survival 5tahun. Tantangan berikutnya masuk ke survival 10tahun. Apakah akan ada waktu selama itu?
Saat ini semua keadaan dirumah terasa nyaman. Tentu ada hal masalah datang silih berganti. Tapi bagiku tidak ada masalah kesusahan hati yang lebih berat daripada perpisahan kematian. Walau aku tahu bahwa manusia memang harus mengalami kematian dan walau aku tahu perpisahan dengan mama adalah perpisahan sementara nantinya. Tetap rasa sedih menyeruak di hati.

Berapa lama lagikah waktu bersama?
Tak ada yang dapat memberitahu.
Setiap hari yang terus berjalan
Biarlah kenangan boleh terajut satu persatu
Hingga saatnya tiba, aku lepaskan dengan senyuman

Video Storytelling - DK Bible Quest 2017

Tahun 2017 ini, KBI Domba Kristus mengadakan Bible Quest Daniel.

Masuk dalam rangkaian acara, maka dibukalah kesempatan membuat video storytelling.

Seperti biasa, aku hanya kepikir mendaftar saja dulu, panitia sudah susah susah membuat ide, baiklah kami berpartisipasi.

Sesudah sampai dirumah, setiap hal yang berkaitan dengan Josh, aku terpikir kata Bu Hana "warisan". Ini adalah satu kesempatan mewariskan sesuatu kepada Josh.
Dan apa yang lebih berharga dari Warisan Iman!

Ide a, b, c, muncul bergantian... Pakai alat peraga apa yah.. Butuh apa yah...
Tapi semua masih dalam konsep di kepala. Mengerjakannya pun belum padahal ada dateline 21Oktober. Pas diceritakan ke Calvin, dia sempat bilang, buat apa sih kamu repot repot pakai daftar segala. Karena dia selalu tahu aku pasti pikirin terus jadi mendingan jangan ditambah hal yang tak perlu. Belum lagi Calvin terbayang dia pasti jadi salah satu pemeran di video, Calvin merasa terjebak hahahaha.

Hari Jumat pagi, sehari sebelum batas pengiriman. Ada Teman yang sudah post videonya. Asli bagusssssss dan kerennnn banget. Sampai membuat aku minder to the max. Aku rasanya malas mengeksekusi ideku. Pikirku, apakah perlu tambahan video video lain toh sudah ada yang bagus banget.

Namun aku ingat cerita dari Ci Fei, ketua KTB kami. Waktu itu dia sharing tentang Talenta. Kadang kala kita melihat yang dikasih 10talenta mengerjakan begitu baik, kita yang mungkin dikasih 5talenta akhirnya berpikir biar dia saja yang kerjakan karena hasilnya lebih baik, alih alih berpikir mari kita juga kerjakan semaksimal kita. Jadi aku mau breakthrough keminderanku yang tak berdasar.

Trus aku ingat lagi, ini kan warisan untuk Josh, biar kami nikmati kebersamaan keluarga dalam membuat video ini.

Persiapan pun kubuat...
Malam jam 9 kami mulai shooting.
Yang paling lama tentu punya Josh dan Papa. Grogi, take one take two.. Entah sampai how many takes. Sampai jawabnya salah kami ketawa ketawa....
Walau lelah tapi bersyukur Josh dan Papa Calvin bisa saling mendukung, dan ini membuat aku semangat 😊

Sesudah selesai semua, yah... Videonya kepanjangan... Mesti edit sana sini... Erhmmm.... Akhirnya dipercepat dan aku rekaman suara sendiri lagi. Ok sudah malam. Let go to sleep.

Pagi-pagi, baru keingat, aku kan pakai Gambar Alat Peraga dari Bible Apps for Kids - LifeChruch - One Hope.
Karena bukan seorang yang pintar gambar, aku biasa cari gambar yang ada untuk alat peragaan.

Bible apps ini berbentuk aplikasi, kuambil gambarnya dan kubuat seperti pegangan puppet.
Walaupun sudah kumasukkan dalam credit, kepikir tentang hak guna. Sudah baca rules nya tapi tidak ketemu.
Aku pribadi bersyukur adanya Bible Apps ini. Ditengah banyaknya aplikasi games, Bible apps menjadi pilihan yang baik saat Josh di depan gadget.

Sesudah diatur, diedit, Horeeee video pun jadi - Daniel di gua singa. Josh senang sekali melihatnya. Berharap suatu hari nanti, kenangan video ini menguatkan dia baik dimasa sukar maupun senang.

Thanks God and We love you Josh 😍

Materi Persiapannya

Sepotong kue dan Kasih Josh

Mama dan Josh sering memiliki makanan kesukaan yang sama.
Salah satunya adalah Choco Lava Cake - hmmm penutup hidangan makan malam yang asyik.

2minggu lalu, Josh menikmati kue ini. Awalnya kami akan berbagi bersama. Ketika mama akan makan sesuap, raut wajah Josh berubah sedih, seakan mama akan makan semua kue nya.
Mama juga jadi kecewa, mama katakan ke Josh, mamapun makan sedikit, harusnya kita makan berdua dengan hati yg riang bukan cemberut.

Kemarin karena papa ingin makan malam bersama diluar, jadinya kami pesan lagi choco lava cake.

Baru makan sesuap, Josh melihat muka mama yang happy langsung bilang " Itu buat mama saja semua. Aku tidak apa apa tidak makan."
Mama katakan ini untuk berbagi berdua.
"Tak usah mama. Mama nikmati saja."
Akhirnya mama katakan bahwa mama perlu ditolong makan kue ini.
Josh akhirnya setuju bergantian suap, hingga masih tersisa 3suapan terakhir, dia stop. Josh bilang ini mama pasti bisa sudah habiskan. Aku tahu mama suka kue ini, mama saja yang makan yah. Aku sayang mama.

Huaaaaaaa...... Kalo bisa sih mama kasih semua ke kamu yah.. Mama belajar menerima kasih mu Josh.

Kiranya Josh senantiasa dipenuhi oleh kasih dan dapat menunjukkan kasih kepada sekitarmu yah Nak. 😍

Josh's 7th Birthday

Hello Josh, even you were far far away from home. 

I hope you enjoy a simple birthday party that we prepared for you ^^/

Early morning, found out his birthday balloon.

Blackforest Birthday Cake

Got the gift from Ama Akong and Mama Papa

Smile for his Birthday

The three of us

as one family

R Hotel Rancamaya - Family short Escape 2D1N

Location: R Hotel Rancamaya.

Date: Sunday to Monday during Public Holiday

Trip: From Jakarta to Bogor
Dua hari sebelum acara, My sista called me and let me know bahwa Bennet sakit. Owwww, a nightmare call menjelang liburan. Terbayang 2 kamar Hotel yang dipesan jadi sayang.
Syukur kondisinya semakin baik dan Yeay, bisa berangkat bersama.
Tiba di sana jam 1 siang, karena lokasi agak didalam, maka kami sudah menyiapkan bekal apalagi kalo bukan nasi padang andalan hahaha.
Sambil menunggu waktu check in, kami duduk di bangku bertenda di taman.

Room:
Kamar di Lt 6, sayang tidak ada connecting room untuk type Deluxe room yang kami pesan.
Pemandangan Wow langsung menghadap ke gunung. Ini yang paling ditunggu. Senang banget :)
Untuk kamar ini memang yang diunggulkan adalah ranjangnya - 2 size queen, akan tidur lega malam ini.
Untuk kenyamanan, bagi yg suka ranjang yg empuk, ini cocok, tapi bagiku masih lebih suka kasur di rumah hahaha.
Untuk tampilan kamar, terasa plain, minimalis.

Surrounding:
Ada minimarket didalam hotel is a plus
Ada kolam renang dan kolam bermain anak juga menyenangkan.
Ada kids club. Untuk kids activities seperti pony ride, fish feeding, etc harus membayar dalam harga yg wajar. Josh dan Bennet senang sekali menghabiskan sore hari disana.
Bisa meminjam sepeda untuk berkeliling.

Restaurant:
Untuk dinner, karena lokasi yang masuk ke dalam, maka beberapa tamu memanfaatkan go-food, termasuk my sista pesan lewat go-food yg andalannya disana Hokben.
Namun karena kami dikunjungi oleh papa mama Calvin, maka kami coba duduk di lounge dan memesan menu ala carte.
Restaurant malam itu menyajikan makanan buffet sehingga jika akan memesan ala carte maka tempat duduknya di lounge.
Dengan pesanan Sup Iga, Burger dan Pizza, rasanya cukup oke dengan harga hotel, sayang tampilan masih kurang. Untunglah masih dihibur oleh alunan lagu malam itu.
Untuk hotel yang lumayan padat hari kami menginap, breakfastnya cukup baik. Pihak hotel tanggap dengan menyediakan tempat yang dapat menampung semua tamu dengan membuka area ke arah meeting room nya, hal yang cukup baik.

Going Home:
Perjalanan pulang, kami mampir ke Gedung dalam..yihaaaa macetnya....
Tips nya adalah, satu dari kami jalan ke tmpt oleh oleh membeli dahulu, dan saat tiba, bisa langsung di angkut.
Sampai di tempat oleh oleh, untung kami dapat parkir, lalu mulai makan jajanan disekitarnya dan ternyata enak enak, yummy.

Waiting for the next trip.

Another sweet gesture from Josh

Last saturday, 6May, I felt very tired.
Josh having a cough and I kept telling him to drink more water.
Then he came with two glasses, and he just gave it to me, asked me to drink it too.
So sweet of you my little angel. Through your sweet act, it's remind me How God's love and care for me.

Sepeda, Josh dan Papa

Entah mengapa rasanya sulit mengajak Josh bersepeda.
Mungkin kah karena papa memang tak bisa bersepeda dan mama pun jarang naik sepeda. Yah bisa jadi.

Bisa dikatakan target kami tahun ini adalah Josh punya skil bersepeda.

Jadi, papa mulai bercerita terus betapa pentingnya punya skil bersepeda.
Josh, nanti kamu kalo ke pantai atau pulau, kamu bisa bersepeda keliling. Lihat kiri dan kanan dengan lebih santai dan nyaman.
Josh tahu ngk kamu kalo kamu di negara china dulu papa belajar bahasa, disana orang naik sepeda kemana mana. Keliling kemana mana. (Hmmm, bener sih mengingat banyaknya manusia disana, jd jumlah sepeda pun paling banyak).

Demikian terus berlanjut persuasi papa ke Josh.
Hari ini kami mau lihat sepeda lagi, mau beli yg ukurannya sesuai dengan umurnya.
Kata Josh ke papa " Pa, aku tak usah belajar sepedalah, kan aku tak ke china ini". Papa langsung ketawa mengingat persuasinya keluar sasaran.

Sabar yah Pa. :)

4D 3N - Short Trip Escape to Lombok

We brought the airline ticket end of last year. I thought we won't be going anywhere on Festive Holidays. Therefore I planned just for mid term break holiday.

Destination: somewhere we never lay our head yet have a proper facilities. So Lombok was our first choice.

Just until Feb, I begin to book for Hotel and search for Car rental dan Driver.
I got a recommendation from a friend.

So here was our 4d3n itenary.

D1: arrived at 2pm
Headed to South Lombok.
Kuta Beach, Bukit Merese, Tanjung Aan.
Check in Hotel in Aruna Sengigi

D2: check out Hotel at 9am
Go to Tiup Kelep Waterfall, North Lombok.
Check in Hotel in Svarga

D3: Check out Hotel at 10am
Have a Snorkling in Gili Air and Meno. Drop in Gili Trawangan.
Check in Novotel

D4: Check out at 1pm and drive to Airport.

Lombok here we come.

Sweet gesture from Josh

We're having a short holiday to Lombok.
He like to swim, and he found something on the pool. He came to me and asked me to guess and tradaaaa  it's a flower.
"Mom this for you. Will you keep it? Will you wear it on your ear?". "Yes Josh"

When I asked him, why?
He told me he gave me the flower because I have accompany him to hike a hill this morning.
Wah Josh.. what a nice thing you give to ur mom.

The last day we wake up early morning and walk to the beach. I continue my self to hike a hill cause Josh didn't bring the slipper and along the road consists a lot of rock then he decide to not follow me.

After I enjoying my me time up on the hill, we having a breakfast, then Josh urge me to take him there. I'm feeling tired but he insist and he begged me.

Ok. As a mom, we never feel tired to let the kids having a new experience.

So here we are climbing a hill. Sitting in the top and embrace the beauty of the world. Found another beach, a quite one and beautiful.

Thanks Lord for giving Josh to us.

Chit chat with Josh 6 Maret 2017

Ma: Josh tahu tidak besok hari ulang tahun pernikahan mama papa?
Josh: aku dapat apa ma?
Ma: Lo koq kamu yang dapat apa? Mestinya mama papa donk yg minta dari kamu.
Josh: Aku tidak ada. Aku tidak bisa beli.
Ma: Memang hadiah harus beli?
Josh: hmmm enggak.
Ma: Jadi kamu mau kasih hadiah apa?
Josh: Ohh Taat. Iya taat itu hadiah paling oke loo ma...
Ma: Benar yah. Kalo besok kamu tidak taat bagaimana?
Josh: Boleh dimarahin.
Ma: Hahaha..thanks Josh. Mama tunggu yah besok untuk taat. Kalo mama ingatkan kamu ngk boleh ngambek yah.

6.5thn Josh. (Padahal yah kemarin ini dia berpikir beli hadiah dengan uang angpaonya, mungkin dia sudah lupa dia ada simpanan :p)

Happy New Year 2017

Kyaaa, it's been a while I haven't post anything.

A new year, a new start again. Hopefully I can catch up soon.

Many things happen in a year, but in all thing God is in control.
Let's welcoming the year.

Family Day 15 July 2016

Today, my sista bring his son and my mom to our house.

We have play a while in the park.
Then having a dinner when my lil sista back from work.

After dinner, in the car, Bennet get crancky and want to sleep. He want to breastfeed.
So I told Bennet, he must be patient.
And then I teased him, soon he shall graduate from breastfeed, so my sista can have another baby.

Then suddenly Josh said:
Yes, then you can have friend.
Not like me, the only child at home. I didn't have friend. I like to play alone.
Josh said it with proud.
When grandma asked him, so do you want a friend, a brother or sister? Josh answered No. It's okey, I can play by my self.

Anyway. We all laugh together for hearing his honest though.
Yes, we still hope to have another family member. Keep waiting... :)

Before back, they played with grandma. The smile is priceless.

6 Years old to be Josh, Pho-Pho, and Whatsapp Messenger

Today on the way back home, 
Josh asked me, Mom, did Pho-pho stay at our house now?
Mom: No Josh, Pho-pho stayed in Jelambar.
Josh: Why? Why Pho-pho didn't stay at our house. I want Pho-pho to stay with us, in our house.

Mom still on driving,: Ok Josh, how about you called Pho-pho and said it directly to her.

Josh took my phone, but instead of calling, he did text messaging.
I didn't realize it till he said to me. This the first time he did it and it's initiated
by him self.

Josh: Mom, I write to Pho-pho. I can write now. But why pho-pho didn't reply me.

Mom still on surprise: Wow Josh, you can texting now. Ok, just asked pho-pho why there was no reply.
Josh continue the texting.

Unfortunately, there was no reply until we arrived home.
But suddenly Pho-pho called, I think she also surprise to get message from her grandson.
They both chat in the phone.

Later Pho-pho reply the message and Josh shout to me: Mom see, I got reply from Pho-pho.

Now, Josh got to enjoy the messaging. 
I have struggling to explain the usage of the phone to him. But nowdays, when he can read and write, it's become another tools for him to practice and he really happy with it of course when we used it wisely.

At Night, he continue to texting daddy. He used to called, but seem Josh feel excited with the new experience. Every word come from his own. Feel touch when he text to Daddy that God will take care of Daddy.

Good Dinosour - Family Movie Time

Wow... like the movie so much...

When I knew the producer also made Up, Finding Nemo, definetly, I shall bring Josh to watch it.

It's a good moment also when Josh collect the dinosours figure produce by Tomica.

Thursday Night, we went to watch the movie.
What more interesting, I could see Josh became more emotional react to the movie.
He eyes teary when Arlo meet his Daddy on his dream. Josh also cry when Arlo have to say goodbye to Spot.

On the other side, when I asked him the story, he kinda difficult to re - tell it.
I need to help him by repeat the story then he continue it.
May be because Josh english language still limited and he still can't read the text fluently.

Anyway, gonna watch another movie and I will give him the trailer and synopsis, so he will have clue and easily relate when the movie show time.

Below picture taken with friend.

Morning talk with Josh

Dear Josh, you may be laugh one day when you read this post again, how you start to answered us.

This morning as usual, Daddy read for you a morning quiet time verse and close with prayer.
Before you go to school, I asked you again, what the bible said?

We always give you a hint for you to remind it again.
But this time, you answered us: "the Word, It's already in my heart." So you can't talk it out again.
Then you smile, cause you think you have give the best answered.

Daddy told you, Josh, if you listened it and then couldn't tell it out, it's means, you forget it already "Masuk kuping kiri keluar kuping kanan".
If the Word get into your heart, it's means you can talk it out for other.

My lil Josh, we all learn and we all keep forgetting. But let us remind the good thing of each other.
Love you.

My Daddy and Me

My Daddy always go to work everyday. But I can still have a time with Daddy.

I could help Daddy to paint.
I could showering the car.
And I could giggle and sing with Daddy also.

Love you Daddy

August 2015

This time last year, we intensively taking care of my brother.
The last month of his life spent with us.

When I look back and reflect on my self now, I do hope I have changed to be a better person and live for others. It means, his parted has giving an impact in my life.

Time still ticking, soon years after years will pass, memory still will be memory, I do miss him and I keep the hope someday we can meet again.