End of Year 2014, Welcoming 2015

For the very last day of year, how will we spent it?

Me?
Usually gather with the family, having dinner, chit chat, and do some talk about life reflection.

Last year, just mom, me, Josh and Calvin dine homemade sushi, then watched a firework in the nearest mall. While bro in Malang, Sista in Bali and the lil Sista viait her friend.

This year, sista in waiting for delivering the baby, the lil sista joined the youth camp in Malang.
But since we heard about Air Asia missing and found debrished, my memory flying back, remind me of how we felt when Daddy pass away.

At that time, we also planned to having a great holiday on chinese new year, but car accident took Daddy and both my cousins.
What you have planned, everything gone in second. What more miserable, while everyone surrounding celebrate the chinese new year, all of our family gather in the funeral house. For some people have thought our family have been punished with so tragic incident.

Therefore, relate to Air Asia, to lose someone who we love in such sudden moment, is really hard. Need time to recover from it and took years.

Thinking about it, I just like to spent my last day of this year in home.
Cook a meals which favour by Daddy, Josh and Mom.
Sit on sofa and spent the night.
Not forget to pray and give thanks for all that we still have.
God owe nothing to us, and we didn't deserve anything, so if we have it today, it all blessing and treasure it.

2014 will pass and 2015 is coming.

Love n Hug
Erlina

Merry Christmas 2014

Josh remember His Uncle

Friday noon time, since Josh having a light fever, he didn't attend the last school day, he spent his time lingering on bed.

Josh snip a bit when I watch my korean drama, where two brother crying.
When I look at Josh, his face turn sad and  teary eyes.
He cried, then I stop the drama, asked him what happen?, why he cried?
While I hug him and he sleep above my body, he mumbling, but I can't understand him.
Josh, do you speak korean or chinese, why I can't understand you?.
Then he slowly talk to me, He sad, cause he think of his uncle.
Uncle who?
Uncle william.
Urggg..... my heart ache and I start crying too....

I talk to him that's oke, we can cry together, but after that, remember, uncle is in Heaven now, we shall not worried anymore.

Never expect that Josh 4.5years old could feel that way.

Book - Detektif Ben

Sesekali, saat menemani Josh ke toko buku, Aku akan mencari buku baru untuk Josh.
Saat Josh sibuk mencari dan melihat buku yang ia sukai, maka mama mulai bergerilya membaca buku cerita yang ada.
Pikiran ku, lebih baik buku yang sama menarik dibaca oleh mama dan Josh, jadi lebih semangat dalam memenuhi permintaan Josh yang suka mengulang buku yang ingin dibaca.

Pertimbangan Buku untuk Josh 4tahun:
1. Plot cerita - sesuai dengan usia.
Tidak terlalu panjang.
Terlalu banyak bumbu dongeng hanya akan mendatangkan PR yang belum saatnya.
2. Gambar - Cukup besar, warna lembut dan karakter yang nyaman dilihat.
3. Tebal tipis nya buku. Terlalu tebal sekali akan membuat ketidaknyaman saat membacakan menjelang tidur (Berat pegang nya ;p terkecuali buku itu benar benar sangat bagus untuk dilewatkan).
Semakin muda usia, aku cenderung memilihkan buku yang tipis dimana satu cerita habis.

Jadi hasil dari perburuan kemarin adalah buku Detektif Ben.
Wow!. Kesan pertama ku. Inilah salah satu buku yang kucari.
Hey, pengarangnya orang Indonesia loo, ini bukan terjemahan buku import.
Ide memperkenalkan "Fakta" mengenai binatang dengan membuat plot cerita harian dimana detektif menyelesaikan kasus-kasus sungguh menarik.
Alur cerita yang mudah dimengerti, menyentuh kisah hari hari di satu kota dan hubungan antara penduduk binatang.
Warna gambar yang lembut, jarak tulisan yang nyaman dibaca, tokoh yang digambarkan menarik mata.
Ditambah buku ini bilingual Indonesia Inggris dengan bahasa Inggris nya yang diterjemahkan dengan baik.
Ada 10kasus dalam satu buku, dan tiap kasus menyajikan hal fakta menarik, tetap dengan tokoh utama Detektif Ben dan Inspektur Frans.
Alhasil, aku pun memboyong buku itu.
Investasi yang bukan untuk hari ini saja.
Selain itu, tiap hari akan ada kasus berbeda yang dibacakan. Seru!

Ternyata memang Josh suka buku pilihan mama. Tiap hari selalu minta dibacakan lanjutannya.
Ada satu malam, saat mama baca, tiba tiba mama tertidur sangking mengantuknya.
Keesokan harinya Josh bisa buka urutan halaman dimana mama mulai terdiam tertidur, dan Josh meminta untuk dibacakan dari halaman itu.

Kalau sudah begitu, mama mengikutinya saja :)

Selamat Membaca ^^/

Family Day Out - The Stacks Burger

Last week, 14th Dec, we having a family snack time at The Stacks Burger. This was the 2nd time I've been there. Since I like the burger flavour, then I asked my sista and mom to came with us when I saw there coupon sold in Disdus.

Love the place and interior.
Love the meat taste.
Menu varies, and the price was reasonable.
There were board game for children played there.
When finished with the food, yeay, we can always continue with a cup of ice cream LIN, located on the same building.
Most of all, it's complete cause we ate with our family.

Josh's Fingerprint Christmas Tree

This year, we made another Christmas Tree using fingerprint.
The idea, of course, mr google.

Honestly, I'm not creative to think a new activity idea, but that not prevent me for searching the idea then adopt it into our activity list.

What you need:
- Our Finger ^^
- unused frame box, etc
- coloring paint (mostly green)
- a small plate

First, I made the triangle shape using my finger. Then Josh continue it.
He choose another color beside red, i.e. yellow and blue.

After finish, Josh write down, "Merry".
His writing skill improve a lot, though I never expect it. Cause most of his time in home is playing with Lego or running here and there.

Here the result. Love it.

2014 Year End Amadeus Concert - " Hello, Classic!"

A warm welcome that I received at the first time came to youth community, one of them was came from her.
Yups, Peggy, a violinist.

During these days, we barely meet each other. Then, suddenly one night, she asked me whether I want to watch year end Amadeus concert. Since it was located near our area, of course I want it.

It was on 13 December Saturday, at DIS, BSD Tangerang. And I bring Josh with me.

The first time I met Peggy 14 years ago, she already join Yayasan Musik Amadeus. Today, the music school grow bigger, starting 2011, Amadeus goes Brass.

Such a blessing to known Yayasan Amadeus - founder Mrs Grace Sudargo, her music vision for Indonesia. It might not easy to build and maintain the music school also having a concert.

I hope in Indonesia will be a lot of new musician each year.

Thanks Peggy and Amadeus of another music experience. ^^.

Regreat, Reflect, Relieve

Already December 2014?
It's feel like just yesterday December 2013, we have a family moment - my sista got married, busy and happy with all the details. I have year end holiday, a family time with mom, Calvin and Josh in my hometown. And still remember planning for 2014 holiday to Malang in March. Waiting for my bro semester break in January. And suddenly everything run faster when we need to fight together with liver cancer.

December 2014 means it's already 3 months my brother left us.

The hardest part, when we back home, we saw everything still there, except our brother. All medicine, his shirt, book, bed, everything. When we open the refrigerator, we still saw the birthday cake prepared by his friend. All the routine that we done everyday for about 6months suddenly stop. We couldn't laugh, cry, mad, giggling at him anymore. No more his voice, his appearance.

At first we deeply try not to talk about anything.
But when it's too hard to bear, when we talked, more often from my mom, it's all about regreat.
Why we didn't take this move, why didn't try it, why we know it late, why we didn't pay attention more, why, why, and never ending why.
Honestly I did having a conflict with my mom, hearing all the why, also feels like hearing all the blame. I feel so sensitive with all the why.
I want to buried that "Why" deeply, I want to forget it.
Cause I afraid, all my decision regarding to my brother illness, actually can be better. It's means from the start, I always questioning my self about that "Why".
Till one point when my brother left us, I try to stop, asked forgiveness from Lord, and wish for God mercy for helping me relieve from the self regreat.

When I was a child, I think I'm having a happy life.
The first turbulance in the family when my Daddy suddenly decided to move to Jakarta. It's feel hard. I knew when my Daddy need to wake at 2am and sold the cake to midnite mass market. If my mom used to brought my chinese new year dress from mall, now I need to buy it from tradisional market with a cheap price.
One night my Dad went home and shocked because his friend cheat and took away his money. That lil money might not means anything, but that all we have.
But we can endure it, cause we have full as family. There was Dad, Mom, me, bro and 2 lil sisters.

The first thing that happen that make this Family won't be the same anymore was My Dad pass away because of car accident.
Who ever dream about losing the parent? We still in the age of needing them very much. Even till we old, we still wish to having them with us.
For half year I saw my mom kept crying, look like insane person. I couldn't do much, just facing a school task was already a big matter for me at that time.
Once my bro told me that during those day, there one time my mom hug him and cry. There was an incident where my mom money got cheat also. She tought someone will help her, cause she need to feed the child.
Economically, it's harder. Still God always fulfill our need. Not much, not less also. Still there was people in our big family who kept their eyes and help for us.
Again, after years we have used to live without Dad.

I guess 2012 was the years for us. The first ever family outing out of town together.

Then mom got cancer, yet we still have hope and fight together, at least we know the survival rate was at least "years".
This moment open our eyes, you never know when ur life will end, how we live our life then?!.

I guess this also lead to my brother decision for learning theology in 2013.
We was so happy sending him to seminary in August 2013. It was just a year ago.

Who knows what will happen to August 2014?
He didn't attend the seminary, but he lay down in the bed, struggling day to day with the illness, a skinny body, a big tummy, a weak feeling, losing an appetite.

Yes, looking at him, really broke my heart.
When he couldn't bath him self anymore in June, the first time I help him, he sit beside the bed, then using a wash towel, when I touched his body, it was all bone, nothing left.
I wanna cry out loud at that time, but I hold back, cause I think he have cry harder in his heart already. Even calvin having a shock only looking of his body. Even mom never have a courage to wash his body.

With God, facing my brother illness, actually, I couldn't asked for more.
If God given 6months for us, personally I shall be greatful.
Why?
I share the story now. In the past when my daddy pass away, I always have one prayer in my life, please, please if possible please never taken someone in my inner family in so sudden way. I'm very afraid of losing someone in that way. At least if possible prepare me for the situation if I need to say another goodbye.

If look at my brother physical condition, we feel very sorry and sad. But how he face his condition till the end, really amazed me. He feel sad cause he know his time will come when he need to say goodbye and seperate with us, yet he never blame God for anything.

I told the story about my brother, at year 98, when my Dad pass away in accident, actually me and my brother on the same car also with 2 cousins.
The accident took my Dad, and both of my cousins. Only left me with my brother.
He was only 14 years old.
The accident could took both of us also, but we have been given another chance of life.
Years after years have been given to my brother till he decided to giving his rest of life for God's work.

When everything over, I look back at my life, what I have done?!.
Looking at my life now, I feel ashamed.
Then, I didn't know how to maintain a better relationship with mom, cause everything seem bit hard, how to comfort my mom, while I couldn't hear her regreat about my brother. I feel depress somehow. There lot's of hard night sleep.

Yet, there God mercy.
When I visiting Malang, I have a chance for having counseling hour in there.
That the first time I told about the relationship between me, mom and my brother, the good and conflict, all discuss.
Even just an hour, I got to sense how my mom might feel, how her past might mold her as today. When it too hard for us to hear her story about our bro, it's ok to asked help from someone else. It need time even years for mourning and all normal.
Me, my self, have my own conflict with mom in my heart.
I need to forgive and forget it first before I could comfort her. I know I would never ever replace my brother place. Yet I wish she could see and accept me and my sisters who always try to do something to comfort her and wish for her happiness.

Another reflect moment was when in one seminar where I got reminded the purpose of creation is to glorify God. Our life to be called for glorify Him. Every person might have a different path, different situation, facing a different challange in life towards this goal.

Now, it was December 2014,
Mom been busy with us also. Me and Josh who got sick, Sista who waiting for baby, lil Sista with her work, a lot of Christmas event.
Mom have try to move on also.

I hope we could do a lil better day by day, have a fighting spirit, love one another, and most important, always seek God will in our life.

~ 7 December 2014

Chit Chat with Josh - Next Cake

So today, his friend having birthday in school.
I asked his opinion.
He said, all superman, his friend like superman. He got a superman shirt.
Then I aksed him, what do you want for you next birthday cake?
"Boom". Kyaaa... still angry bird theme...
I told him, it's kinda difficult, your cake will be black colour.
Josh: Ma, you can use oreo, just the biscuit, take the white out.
Ma: I make a triangle shape right?(mistakenly think boom is triangle shape).
Josh: Nope, you should make it circle, then put a yellow on the head, then the eyes, bla bla bla...

I'm really amazed of how he told me to make his 'wish' cake.
Think to try it later *grin*

Dessert - Floating Island

The Paris Kitchen - By Rachel Khoo become my new favorite television program whenever I have my time (means whenever the TV was free from Josh).

A simple way to cook, and turn out delicious, somewhat I wish I can do it at home.

So yesterday, after 2 days consecutively fall into sleep all the time, I couldn't closed my eyes pass midnight. Open the TV and yes, the program is airing.

Prepare a pen and paper in hand *grin*.

As Today I can walk and do activity better, I plan to make the dessert - Floating Island.

Here the recipe.

As I didn't have fresh vanilli at the time, I'm using vanilli flavour.
No Icing sugar, so I blended the sugar, It kinda mess up the praline *hehehe*

Anyway, with less and mess here and there, here the result.

What most important?. Josh love it. He said the meringue taste like mashmellow wakakaka.

Balada Campak Jerman - Rubella

Tanggal 9 November, sesudah sekolah minggu, Josh terasa hangat badannya yang menurut papa nya itu karena kurang minum.
Nah benar saja feeling mama, malam hari muncul rash di muka Josh.
Ok, hangat ajah, enggak demam, rash di muka menjalar ke bagian atas badan, tidak ada sariawan dimanapun.
Josh masih heboh lari sana sini, makan minum tidur semua oke.
Hmmm rasa-rasanya koq campak yah.

Kyaaa, ketular dari mana?
Mama, yang namanya virus mah dari mana saja, dan pas kebetulan akhir minggu itu Josh mainnya heboh dan tidak tidur siang.

Sambil pantau, sambil gunain sypmtom checker, sangat positive ini mengarah ke campak jerman, aka rubella.
Tetap per 3 jam pantau suhu.
Tetap lihat kondisi aktivitas nya, kalo mulai rewel berarti mulai red sign ke dokter.

What to do next?
Makan, minum, istirahat yang cukup.
Booast imune dengan makan banyak buah -buahan.
Minum lemon+madu as usual.
Karantina di rumah, alias tidak sekolah selama 6hari sejak rash pertama muncul, karena proses nular antar anak kecil lebih mudah, misal bersin or batuk tidak tutup mulut, alpa cuci tangan. (Walaupun sebenarnya rash belum muncul juga virus itu sudah nemplok di badan dan bisa meninvensi kepada yang lain, tp biasanya siapa yang tahu, kalo badan tidak fit barulah timbul tanda-tandanya).

Sesudah 4 hari rash nya pulang hilang dari satu badan.
Tampaknya tidak ada yang berbeda dari hari biasanya Josh kecuali badan nya memerah saja.

Tanggal 28 November, jumat siang merasa kenapa ini badan pegal sekali, perkiraan pertama, karena hari kamis heboh berenangnya. Mumpung tidak ada Josh yang ikut, plus dapat kacamata renang baru dari papa yang kalo lihat air kolam masih jernih, jadilah brenang tanpa stop mengikuti si papa.
Jumat malam pas bangun, looo muka nya koq memerah, apakah demam? Pas tanya Josh, apakah ada merah-merah di badan mama. Kata Josh, Iya, mama kena virus strawberry kayak Josh.

Kyaaaaa, koq bisa, padahal dirumah Josh sudah sembuh 2mingguan lalu.
Dan menurut cerita pho-pho Josh, semua soal campak dan cacar air sudah pernah kena pas kecil, alias seharusnya sudah ada kekebalan. Tapi mengapa masih? Tanyakan pada mama yang tak pernah jalanin vaksinasi dewasa. *sigh*

Yang kubaca kalo terkena ke anak anak maka gejala yang dialami akan ringan sekali, tapi kalo ke orang dewasa, banyak keluhannya, dan tidak perlu diungkapkan juga betapa bahaya buat ibu hamil trisemester pertama.

Dan yupssss... 2 hari tergeletak di ruang tidur, semua tulang persendian sakit, kepala nyut-nyut, hanya paracetamol menjadi teman pengurang rasa sakit. Dan sesudah itu berlalu, itchy di bagian yang masih memerah.
Koq beda banget yah sama Josh, huaaaa.....
Alhasil habis ini aku ingetin si dede, kamu, go vaksin MMR.

Something to learn,
Kalo sudah lagi berhamburan penyakit di sekitar, immune tubuh adalah yang paling utama. Makan, minum, tidur, gaya hidup, dijaga dengan baik, tentulah tidak mudah goyah diserang oleh virus-virus.
Vaksinasi bukan hanya saat anak-anak, ada untuk dewasa, ditilik sesuai dengan apa yang diperlukan dan ambillah.